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10 Computer Geek Jokes and Truisms

Funny
We computer geeks are a breed of our own, and as with any group of people with mutual references, we often make jokes and observations that are totally incomprehensible to outsiders.

So consider this post a litmus test. If you laugh at these jokes, then you are most definitely a computer geek.

Note: In case you needed to assess your geekiness even more thoroughly, see if you like these awesome license plates for computer geeks.

Jokes for computer geeks:

 

1.

If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.

 

2.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

 

3.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

 

4.

An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”

 

5.

Q: Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

 

6.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

 

7.

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says. “He isn’t null-terminated.”

 

8.

“I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.”
– Antone Roundy

 

9.

The programmer got stuck in the shower because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said: Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

 

10.

A programmer’s wife tells him, “While you’re at the grocery store, buy some eggs.” He never comes back.

And a few not quite computer-related bonus jokes:

 

We liked these ones too much to throw them away, so here you are.

 

A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby.
– Is it a boy or a girl?
– Yes.

 

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. “I have read and agree to the Terms and Conditions.”

 

A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg and says, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg responds, “NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am.”

 

We’ve been chuckling here at the Pingdom office while putting this together, just as we did when we compiled our favorite software Easter eggs, so we hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

And if you’re looking for even more geeky content, be sure to check out how developers obsess about code names and the history of computer data storage in pictures.

Sources: Mostly two very, very long Slashdot threads.

Note: This article first appeared on this blog back in 2010, and we slightly touched up the jokes listed here.

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